i think most of us think that the good stuff is for all the other people

i think most of us think that the good stuff is all for other people. that the people who change the world are not us. that we are not the visionaries. that we are not the ones that matter. that we are not the authors. that we are inconsequential characters that roll at the very end of the credits, if we roll at all.

and this fact is probably sadly true.

and the reason it is sad is not because it is true. the reason it is sad is because i think most of us that think those thoughts also think another thought. and that thought is that we kind of, secretly, not too much but still a little, wish we could be those people.

even me. i’m writing this stuff but i don’t believe that i’m that person either. i just secretly wish it before i drift off to a night of fitful sleep. and i secretly think that maybe it’s too late.

and that’s another question. when is it too late? when should we look in the mirror and say to ourselves, “self, it is officially too late. we had a good run but we are 31 years old now and are officially over the hump and officially have missed the boat.”

i think this process of being in your 20’s and trying to make it to your 30’s is a lot tougher than people think. i think that’s because we will get to 30 automatically, so even if we spend the whole of our 20’s sitting on our asses on the couch, we still get there. it’s one of those things that has no meter as far as achievement is concerned. the level of achievement that we want to aspire to is simply up to us. we are what we are. no one makes us. people influence us and circumstances push us one way or the other, but we still have to move ourselves. we still have to get in the car and put the foot on the gas pedal (in a manner of speaking).

i’m coming to the realization that our 20’s cement us as people. most of us will come into our 20’s as unmarried and leave the 20’s married. most of us will get some sort of semi-permanent job, have one or two kids, buy a house, etc. we will probably cement a circle of friends that will be the friends that we stick with for the majority of our adult lives. we will probably develop the habits and patterns that will stay until we start getting old. we will find some sort of church family, some sort of family family, some sort of job family. we will settle in. we will start settling, dare I say it…. down.

i think if everyone in america was seriously interviewed about who they are and what they want, or wanted and never got, you would find only a handful of results. a) you would have the people that are happy with what they got, b) you would have the people that don’t care, and c) like me, you would have the people that do care but are unhappy with what happened. (or wish they could have changed something, but are relatively happy with life as a whole) i think most people fall into this category, even if they don’t admit it. and i think that most people will stay in this category for two reasons that are tied together:

most people are afraid, and most people are lazy. simultaneously.

and if you believe in the devil then you have to believe that this is one of his great achievements. making people lazy and afraid at the same time. even if you don’t believe in the devil i think it is pretty easy to see that this is a) true and b) sad.

this also makes me think that if fear is the front door of the house, then apathy is the back door. but that’s a different topic and i haven’t thought it through all the way yet. maybe next time.