IINWJWD

i have come to the realization, lately, that i absolutely hate meeting new people. i find it to be an awkward, boring, non-engaging activity. especially if i discover soon after meeting you that we have almost nothing in common. i know that you never learn all that much about people when you first meet them, and i know that often times (every time?) there must be some sort of bonding before you really start to realize that you want to actually hang out with these new people on a regular basis, and i guess i see such a chasm between the initial meeting and the bonding that would turn us into friends that i have almost no desire to pursue most relationships beyond that first phase of “nice to meet you, my name’s chris”. which is probably rude, and probably is just another example of my bad attitude.

don’t let me confuse you. i am not bad at meeting new people. i am good at meeting new people. i am good at making conversation. i am good at the ice breaker. i am not afraid of it. i just don’t like it. i guess i just don’t like meeting new people like some people don’t like trying new foods. they are just convinced that they already know enough good foods and they are happy with the foods they know so even if they did meet some new foods, it probably wouldn’t be worth it anyway. i love meeting new foods. but i think the food analogy sums up pretty well the way i feel about people.

and part of it too, is that i feel that not only do i feel like it is difficult to “bond” with new people thus turning them into real live friends, i feel like they probably don’t want to “bond” with me, thus turning me into a lifelong best friend.

side note: maybe this has something to do with the fact that i don’t like dogs very much. or well, not as much as cats. dogs are a man’s best friend, right? augh. but they require so much WORK. and i do not want to dedicate of all my time to making that beast become my new best friend. sorry dog. i want to put a litter box in the garage and call it good and you pretend to love me just because i feed you. god bless cats.

i just find it to be DIFFICULT. and i’m not saying that this is truth, because i know that the exact opposite is truth, but i think that deep down in my heart i feel that you (new person in my life) probably are stupid and have nothing to offer me. and you don’t have to tell me that this is a bad attitude, i already know that it is a bad attitude. and i already know that IINWJWD it is not what jesus would do. eh, i just feel like not putting in the effort i guess.

i think i probably would come across to most people as a people person, and i do like hanging out with people, and i like being able to be capable of stepping up to the plate in social situations. i think my inner introvert is just trying to bust out. that and my inner jerk.